Dear Future Husband,
If I am marrying you, you already know a lot of things but I figured that if you wanted to marry me, I want you to read this. These are very important things in my life and I want you to realize this before you go off and marry or even propose to me.
First of all, I would like to commend you for actually marrying me. I am a weird human being that kinda sucks at everything relationship wise.
I want to try and help you understand me.
1. I am a writer.
This doesn’t mean that I will remember every single thing. I suck at dates, I suck at remembering personal details. I remember the way you smelt on our first date, I can tell which clothes you wore during different dates, I can describe in great detail each of our kisses. But I might not be able to remember what your favorite song is or what your favorite movie is.
I am a writer. Which means that I write, a lot. There will be many occasions where I choose writing over you. Because writing is my life. Writing means absolutely everything to me and when I feel like I have no control over anything, when I am upset, confused or upset, I will go to writing. I will not always go to you because writing is my source of happiness.
This does not mean that you don’t make me happy!
It just means that I gravitate towards writing during my times of need.
2. I hate people.
The fact that we are married isn’t necessarily surprising even though I do hate people. However, it does make you special human being.
The fact that I hate people is important though. I will not want to go to many social events, I will not want to interact with the human species, I will not want to be around more than 5 people at once.
Being around a bunch of people does make me uncomfortable, it makes me nervous and I am not great with it, I am a little better if I know them but not by much.
So please, for all the love that is holy. Introduce me to your family slowly and don’t drag me to some odd family function and the same goes for your friends.
3. I can not cook.
I sincerely hope that your fantasies of your wife being there with a fully cooked meal already sitting on the table when you get home from work has already been forgotten unless you want a bunch of sandwich or microwavable foods.
I can bake, sure. If you want a various number of cookies, cakes, or literally anything where sugar is in the recipe than you got me but considering I highly doubt one could live on brownies, it might be a good idea to be able to cook or teach me to cook.. You know, one of the two.
4. I have a really weird family life.
I do, I really do. My biological father has been gone for basically all of my life, my step father and I had a terrible relationship which ended 100% after my mom and his divorce. Because of this, I have no father figure and my entire relationship and thoughts on family has changed because of it.
Family is not blood, it is not created through marriage but it is something that stands tall through thick and thin, through the screaming and anger and even through the love and tears. Even though we might pretend that we hate each other, we both know that we would kill somebody if they hurt one of us.
I do have a family though, my family is my mom, my brother, my aunt and uncle, my cousins, my grandfather. My family also includes my best friend, this weirdo that I consider my brother, and so many more of my other friends.
If you’re family orientated, that is amazing. If you would do literally anything for any one of your family members, that is great. But don’t expect me to do the same, that entire concept seems weird.
My Mom is Number One!
I have already talked about family but this topic is very important for you acknowledge these things. I would not be continuing at my school, I would not be going to college, and honestly, I probably wouldn’t be doing a lot of other things if it wasn’t for my goal to make my mom proud. Being a writer does not require a degree, it helps sure but it is not absolutely necessary. But yet, when I leave high school, I am not going to travel the world like I want to, I am transferring to Queens University where I am majoring in Creative Writing and triple minoring in European History, European Politics, and British Literature. (I figure you might as well go big or go home!)
My relationship with my mom, it has some really rocky moments but what relationships don’t and I realize that I absolutely suck at telling my mom how much I appreciate her but if I am marrying you, I have told you. She means the world to me and honestly, she means more to me than you ever will.
I know when you first met her, you probably didn’t think much of it. Her approval couldn’t possibly mean that much to her, right? Well you are completely wrong because if my mom doesn’t like you, you are not going to continue being in my life very long.
Let’s get away from serious matters for just a moment… Well this is serious too but whatever. As you know very well, I have been collecting my books for as long as I can remember. From my Pamela Wells books, The Heartbreakers series to my haul that I recieved from my Uncle and so much more. I have a lot of books, I even keep a book catalog of all the books that I have.
At one point, you are probably going to be stupid enough to try and get me to give up my books. These books, these hundreds and hundreds of stories that bare throughout these books. They have been my goals for husbands and they have made me learn so much. There is no way that you are going to talk me into selling these books or giving them up. They all come with me when we move in together.
In fact, I remember that when I was moving at multiple points, I refused to get rid of any of my books because I knew that if I did, my husband would not let me have my own library and that is one of my biggest goals. To have my own library. Man that would be amazing.
But hey, I’ll give you a deal and if future me tries to argue this, just show her. You get to choose one really stupid collection that you can hoard at me as you want.
This another thing that I want you to realize but I might be just a little bit more… lenient about this. Meaning you could probably argue with me if you really tried.
As you know, and if you don’t know then you might want to reconsider marrying me, I love animals. They are amazing and I love taking care of them.
In the future, I would also like to take care of animals.
If at all possible, it would be really cool to have an entire room dedicated to aquarium life, as you probably also know, I really like the idea of taking care of underwater creatures. When I am older and I have my own house, I think it would be nice to take on more under water creatures.
I totally get if you’re allergic or whatever to any given animal but if you aren’t, please keep the concept of having a lot of animals in mind.
My Best Friend Knows Everything
I am that kind of person that my best friend knows everything. If we are keeping it a surprise that I am pregnant or some crap like that my best friend (and my mom) do not count in this.
If we get into a fight, she knows already.
This is not because I don’t consider myself as close to you but it is because it keeps me sane to talk to somebody other the person involved about what is happening. My best friend keeps me grounded and sane.
I promise you that we were dating, I was talking to her constantly as we psychoanalyzed literally everything you did and when we were just talking, she had a lot of screen shots to explain crap you said.
So yeah, I will keep our private intimate moments quiet and off social media because I understand that those are private moments in our home and since our relationship was away from the eyes of the public, I get that but my best friend knew everything then and she will know everything now.
I am a sucky morning person
You probably already know this (maybe, possibly, I have no idea) but I hate talking in the morning. When I was going to school (AKA now), I would wake up an hour before I had to be at school because I knew that I HATED talking to people in the morning…
So yeah, I will probably actively wake up an hour before you and please understand that this is for a reason. I do not want you to wake up with me, just leave me alone.
When we have kids, just kill me, okay? No, no, no, I am kidding!
I will get over it when it comes to kids (I so want our kids to be late risers….)
I am not religious.
I do not want to start being religious.
I do not want to throw religion down my child’s throat.
So yeah, if you still want to marry me even knowing all of this (though you probably already knew it all!) Then you must really love me so I will give my parting words to you.]
If I am actually marrying you, you are one lucky some of a… gun.. Well not because it is me you’re marrying but because I hate people. I despise meeting new people and I have the attention span of a seahorse. So if you manage to make me actually like you, congratulations.
If I am marrying you, it is because I couldn’t picture my life without you. Because you’re the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life… I am marrying you, it is because I love you and not that stupid childish love where you get nervous and you have heart eyes instead. But that kind of love where you see the flaws, you acknowledge the flaws, and you love the flaws. Where they are the one you want to turn to after a bad day or they are the ones that can make you smile even though you are crying your eyes out.
I know there is more to this thing called love and I know that while I may have thought I felt it, I have no idea what it is actually like. I am learning what love is and maybe you are the one that teaches me love and maybe not…
Who knows? Except for future me and you.