As you guys probably know very well, a few months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. I thought he was the love of my life which was stupid since we were only together about seven months.

Honestly, the break up didn’t come to me as a surprise. We had problems and we were struggling. I knew that, I tried to talk about it but we were both denying it. We knew we had a problem but we would ignore it and would just make out or whatever. All we really did at one point in our relationship was kiss.

He was my first kiss… I didn’t know what the etiquette was supposed to be. I still don’t in fact. But anyways, this is not about him.

I have been struggling to move on, I mean, I thought moving on was having feelings for another guy but I realized recently that it wasn’t the case.

I went on a date to see Doctor Strange and while it didn’t start out that great (with a misunderstanding of addresses and then a minor car accident) , the date was not bad at all.

In fact, he was kind, understanding, funny, a good listener. He was great in fact and the reason behind why we will never have a second date has nothing to do with him but myself.

I have spent the time since we broke up, trying my hardest to get over who I thought was the love of my life. I “moved” on and I thought that was enough but now I realize that it isn’t true.

I have not moved on.

Perhaps my brain had moved on, my brain was able to make sense of the situation. I understand exactly why it happened and how. I understand all of this however, just like this quote.

“If the heart has not healed, it means it is not ready to move.” – Rexon Wilson.

I think that is where my problem lies, I don’t think my heart as healed…

How do you know when your heart is healed?
Honestly, I am not one hundred percent sure but I have made a list of starting points.

 

  1. Stop thinking about him.
  2. Stop comparing him to others.
  3. Stop caring about him.
  4. Realize that dating isn’t cheating.

 

That last one, that one is the worst. That moment when you are on a date and then your ex crosses your mind and you feel like you are cheating.

I was naive and in my naivety, I assumed my first kiss would be my last kiss. This is now an impossible dream that will never happen but I don’t think when we broke up that it occurred to me how much I don’t know.

Does my kissing (one month) rule change now that I actually have been kissed.

These are my five beginning steps to getting over somebody that I so desperately want to get over.

So, I have no idea what will happen in the future. I have no idea how long this process is. But apparently being sickened by the existence of a man isn’t enough.

Who would have thought?

Plus, for the extra bonuses of this realization, I will be able to get to know myself more. Know myself more than just as a writer, read, friend, and lover. I want to Sabrina Ingram as a whole and yes, all of those things are me but they aren’t only me.

I can’t be the only person who has gone through a break up! How did you guys do this?

Can’t wait to hear from you guys,

Sabrina Ingram.

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Hello, my name is Sabrina Ingram and I am an Author, Blogger, and Student living my life and sharing it with all of you.

One Comment on “I Am Not Ready to Date… Yet

  1. Pingback: What Kind of Relationship Do I Want? | Sabrina Ingram's Blog

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