Unlikely Friendship (Short Story)

 

Relationships have always been terrifying for me, and honestly I could never tell you why. Maybe it was from watching my parent’s relationship which only existed because of me. Maybe it was because of those middle school relationships where they threw around the “I love you”’s only to be met with dramatic heartbreak. For me, every time I turned around, there was a friend coming to me in tears over some guy who had broken her heart.

 

That all changed though, I was a teenager who had hormones and eventually, there was a guy where I forgot about those fears. I had somehow tricked myself into believing he could never hurt me, that he didn’t have it in his power to do so. Because in my head, I wasn’t like all of those other girls. I didn’t throw around the “I love you.” I didn’t rush into relationships, I didn’t do this or that. I think I just wanted to trick myself into believing that. I couldn’t possibly be weak enough to get hurt, and I thought I would notice the signs fast enough to stop the pain.

 

Looking back, I probably did notice the signs but I didn’t listen to them. Because when you see a girl’s name pop up on their phone, you don’t expect anything. You tell yourself to calm down, that they’re likely just a friend and that there is no way they are cheating on you. I also saw the girl and the hug that they exchanged, I wanted to believe it was friendly. I wanted to ignore the look she gave me when the hug was over. I wanted to ignore the way he rubbed her back, the way he seemed to have inhaled her scent and I pretended to believe that the only reason why he smelled of her perfume was probably because of that hug.

 

We will chalk that naivety up to being a teenage girl, as anyone would have realized. But I continued to ignore it, to deny it. They were just friends and maybe, at the very least she had a crush on him but that was probably the extent of it. I kept noticing her name pop up on his phone, I kept hearing these whispers of something more. But they’re rumors and one shouldn’t believe in rumors.

 

But that all come to a head on Prom night, the night that every girl dreams of. The perfect dress, the perfect shoes, the perfect date. All of those glamorous things that you hear about in movies. He had picked me up in his dad’s red Camaro, and it had clearly been washed and his dad had cleaned out the car ahead of time. It was a nice gesture and he was incredibly giddy about his dad agreeing to let him drive it. Honestly, I personally thought it was rather cliche that he wasn’t driving his beat up old truck that had paint peeling but he was happy.

 

On the drive, it was complete silence beyond the music playing softly in the background. I found myself keeping my eyes trained on him, watching as he drove. I had been planning for this note for ages and it wasn’t just the dress that I had been planning but I was planning to let prom night be insanely special. We had talked about it before but I wasn’t ready and I desperately wanted to be. I kept telling myself that everything would be okay. He loved me and I loved him so why not? There was nothing stopping us but I wanted to keep it a surprise for later.

 

When we get there, we looked like a celebrity couple walking down the red carpet. Likely because the theme was supposed to be a “red carpet” night which is why I was wearing a golden dress, full of sparkles and his tie was a much calmer golden color. We matched and we were clearly a couple. As the first slow song played, he pulled me to the middle of the dance floor. The cheap disco ball that the school had rented was causing my dress to reflect which had caused a couple heads to turn as he pulled me through the crowd. For a minute, it seemed like all was well. I briefly noticed her, standing to the side of the gymnasium staring at the two of us. I didn’t even think twice about it, assuming she was just admiring my dress. I didn’t even notice that she was only staring at him.

 

While we were dancing, I could feel him drifting away. Not literally, of course. It was like he moved from being present, paying attention to me and holding me close. He was rubbing my back, whispering the lyrics of the song to me and then he just stopped. He moved just slightly away from me, even though he was still holding me in his arms and the whispering stopped. I felt the change but I had no idea why, we were spinning in circles and I noticed that she was still staring. When I caught sight of her again, I noticed her stand up and storm away and when he pulled away from me only moments later, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

 

I stood there awkwardly for a few moments, staring around me at all of the couples together. One of the couples caught my attention, a girl in a midnight blue ball gown, one of which that had sparkles all over her upper body and she was wrapped up in the arms of her boyfriend. I had no idea who they were but they just looked so peaceful and happy, she was smiling brightly at him as their eyes met each other. He was completely obsessed with her and with one look at them, you could tell they were happy together.

 

That they had no concerns about anything and he was completely invested, I yearned for that relationship. A relationship that felt present and beautiful and as I stood there, I realized that he probably didn’t leave me to go to the bathroom. I realized that her leaving right before he ditched me was likely no coincidence and as I weaved through the dance crowd, slowly walking away from the reflective disco ball as I fell out of the spotlight. I became wandering the halls, walking around aimlessly. I wanted to find them, I wanted to see the truth. I wanted my suspicions to finally come true.

 

As I came across a broom closet, one that I had been inside myself with him once or twice before while we were in between classes and I heard a bang coming from inside and I knew. I knew that whatever I was about to come across would effectively end my relationship with the boy inside. I was the girl who had been duped, foolish enough to think that I was special enough to not get hurt by a boy and I finally opened the door, bracing myself.

 

In front of me, I was faced with the flesh of the boy that I knew. His lower body was completely bare, wrapped around his ankles as the girls dress was hiked up with him right in between her legs. There was no question what they were doing and my gasp from actually seeing them in this position seemed to startle them as she opened her eyes, the moans that were coming out of her mouth stopping as she realized who she was looking at and pushed him away from her and he looked at me in surprise.

 

“Clare, this is not what it looks like!” He swore to me as I let out a humorless laugh.

“Not what it looks like? You are aware that you’re half naked, right?”

 

He quickly pulled his pants up, covering himself up as he looked between the two girls. She looked almost conflicted, staring between the two and I saw the heartbreak in her eyes. She seemed so disappointed to hear his words, like they were nothing. “But… Sweetie, don’t you understand? Now we don’t have to hide our love from her.” I realized in that moment that it wasn’t her fault at all, not in this situation. He had been playing her, telling her that he loved her and that everything would be perfect in the end. That it was just a matter of telling me what was happening.

 

I always thought that when a girl happily allowed a guy to cheat on his girlfriend, I assumed that she was heartless or maybe even hated the girlfriend, in question. But now I understand that is not always the case. Sometimes, the girl is so desperately in love with the guy that she decides to have him in any way that she could, even if it meant that she was the side chick.

 

He yanked his arm away from her, as he took a step towards me. “You have to believe me. I am so sorry, I just needed a release and Stephanie was willing to give it to me. She claimed she loved me and it was so easy, you never even noticed so I just continued on with it.” My eyes were wide in shock at this point, partially from shock that he was actually trying to defend himself.

 

“You think it’s okay because I never noticed? You think that excuses you from cheating on me?” I began, tears spilling from my eyes as the anger overpowered me. “You cheated on me! All of the times you told me that you loved me, all of the times that you told me that you saw a future in us, all of those times that we were kissing and all the touches we have had. You were cheating on me the entire time.” I shook my head in disbelief, “And you really expect me to forgive you?”

 

“I was never lying when I told you that I loved you, Clare. I do, more than you could possibly imagine,” He promised me as the girl scoffed in response, storming away from the closet in a huff.

 

“You love me? Tell me, do you hurt all of the people that you love?”

“Clare, I’m sorry. But I do love you. With every kiss and every touch, I loved you.”

 

“It doesn’t matter if you love me, it matters what you do to prove it. By cheating on me, you discredited everything about this relationship. Every kiss, every touch, every ‘I love you’ was a lie. You cheated on me, stop apologizing. Just stop!” I screamed in response, “I can’t believe that I was so stupid to love you.”

 

“You were not stupid to love me. I love you too.”

“You were cheating on me the entire time.”

 

No longer having any interest in this conversation, I turned away and started heading towards the exit. I no longer had any interest in being at Prom, a time that was supposed to be extravagant and beautiful and of course, I had found my boyfriend with another girl. This was some sort of ridiculous beginning to a high school movie and I was absolutely disgusted, how could I find myself in this situation? After being so careful? My heart was broken, and I was no longer in any mood to be at such an event. I thought the drama was over as I knew he wouldn’t be following me, he wouldn’t fight for our relationship which was a good thing as I had no plans to allow him to do so.

 

But while he seemed to be content in our conversation, I suppose Stephanie was not. Because as I was exiting the building, she grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “What do you want?” I asked in annoyance.

 

We made eye contact and I almost froze, her eyes were filled with tears and the only thing registering in my mind was that she was clearly so upset. “I really did love him,” she whispered in a broken voice. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I loved him, and I believed he loved me. I thought that at some point, he would break up with you and come to me. I thought we would be able to be together,” She continued softly.

 

“I know,” I whispered softly, finding myself unable to be angry with her. She was in love with him, and obviously she could have stopped herself from letting him cheat on me but she loved him just as much as I thought I had. She wasn’t going to sacrifice her chance to be with him. It was his job to be a decent human being, his job to make the conscious decision to not cheat on me but he never did any of those things. “He’s the cheater, he’s the one that should have controlled himself more.”

 

“You don’t hate me?” She questioned, surprise etching throughout her voice.

“I kind of wish I did, honestly.” I began. “But no, I don’t.”

 

She threw her arms around me into a hug, holding me tightly as she choked back a sob. While I felt like my heart had broken as well, I found myself wanting to comfort her. To convince her that everything was going to be okay. Maybe it was because I wanted those same promises, but I knew that she needed it in this moment. She was the secret, the one that was told time and time again that once we had broken up, she would finally get to have him. I was fed the lies, I never knew the truth. She knew but she was fed different lies, lies that they would come out of this together.

 

“I really wanted to hate you,” She whispered in my ear as we continued to hug.

“I would have hated myself too.”

 

As she finally let go of me, she smiled gratefully. “Do you think we could be friends?”

 

I laughed in response, “How about we take baby steps?” which she nodded in understanding. My heart had been broken on Prom night, I had caught my boyfriend making love to another girl and then we broke up before I ended up comforting the girl. That night, we actually did become friends and we would later become best friends even to this day. It’s crazy to me that love can be so heartbreaking and that situations can happen and people still find themselves wanting to comfort each other. We joke about the fact that we could have been lifelong enemies instead of becoming friends, but we are both grateful that never happened.

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This is For the Single Ladies

This is not for the happy couples, not for the ones who imagine themselves on this day, this day known for love and is sickening with pink and red. This is not for the happy couples who have hearts in their eyes, this is not for those with beauty in their souls.

This is for the people who, on the day of love, remember the pain that love brought. A year ago, today, I got into a relationship. At that time, I was convinced that it would be that Valentine’s Day that stuck in my head. The one where I was happy and newly in love.

But it’s not that Valentine’s Day you remember, it’s not the one you’re happy that you remember. It’s not that Valentine’s Day you remember, it’s the one directly after that when you’re single.

Because on a day of love, if you’re no longer in it, you are plagued with the happy couples and romantic gestures happening all around you. It’s that time that even when you think you’re perfectly okay, you are reminded of it. The love you once had.

Me? I was the naive one who thought we would last. The one who created an event reminder, telling me it was going to be our one year. I was convinced there would be that I didn’t think about it.

When I went around my room, when I threw the things he once gave me, when I read old diary entries I made, or even when I found that stupid little notebook that we tried to write a love story with. I remembered all that, I remembered the things we put thought into but I didn’t think twice when I made that event reminder.

I completely forgot about until 11:40 when my phone decided to remind me, when it told me our one year anniversary was today. I had been so convinced that I didn’t think twice after I made it.

But honestly, let’s be real, I so do not want to talk about Valentine’s Day. So yeah, this may be a day for happy couples and love but I so, so don’t want to talk about it. So, happy (and most definitely cute) couples, for the love of Cupid that hit you in the ass, go away. Because honestly, if you’re not in love, you guys are just annoying assholes.

But hey, I promise that when I am happy, you will earn yourself a cute little Valentine’s Day bullshit about how great love is.

So, my fellow single ladies, you want to know what the BEST part about being single is? Well, there are quite a lot. So instead of dwelling on the fact that you’re single and not happy about it. Let’s dwell on the great part about it!

 

  1. You didn’t have to spend, what like 30 bucks on some random bullshit gift that he would probably eat all within like 20 minutes or it would take time away from you.
  1. You don’t have to laugh at jokes that are not funny. Because seriously, the best part about being single is not being forced to listen to ridiculous jokes and laugh about it. Unless you’re the one making them.
  1. Let’s be real, his friends. You might like some of them, you might even like most of them but there will always be somebody that you do not like. But now that you don’t have to, you can spend time on better things. No more sucky friends!
  1. You get to hang out with your own friends!It’s funny how everyone pretends that they will not take their time away from their friends in comparison to when they were single. Can I just say, bullshit? You are spending less time with your friends when you are in a relationship. Those Friday dates? Saturday dates? Sunday dates? Once upon a time, you would have had a sleepover during those dates. You can have that back!
  1. You don’t have to deal with the embarrassing encounters.Embarrassing encounters happen all the time but they happen a lot more when you’re in a relationship. You have the parent’s issues because let’s face it, families walk in at the worst times! You have the friends issue which is honestly no difference. They happen all the time but the likelihood of them sky rockets when you’re in a relationship.
  1. You can catch up on your shows.When I was in a relationship, I constantly found myself running behind on my shows. I remember once when Grey’s Anatomy updated on Netflix and when it would have taken me two or three days’ tops to finish, it took me that long to even try and find time to finish one episode. It was my all-time low in my binging habits…
  1. You don’t have to worry about keeping track of your phone.I know that some of you may be obsessed with your phone and in a lot of ways, I am too but I suck at keeping track. When I am in a relationship, my phone is glued on me. I am constantly texting somebody! But now, I struggle even remembering to bring my phone to school (I forgot it the last two days I had school…)

Sneak Peek to My New Story!

“You think I want to love you? You don’t think that the idea of loving you, the knowledge that I have been in love with you since the day we met doesn’t kill me? When we first met, I thought we would be enemies.” I remember spitting out these words, I remember the feeling in my heart as I fought not to cry being there.

“We weren’t enemies though, the cocky boy was no match to the girl trying to find herself is what I thought. I was at least strong enough to realize that you were not the guy for me. But here I am, standing in front of you as I admit that I love you even though it is the last thing I want.” I closed my eyes, the tears were threatening but I needed to say this.

“When I thought of love, you were not what I imagined. I thought of a person who supported you and cared for you and was there through everything but here I am loving you for all that is holy, I can not figure out why. You have not been there for me, you have not cared for me.” I wanted to hit him, I wanted to slap him right there. The look in his eyes, the look of amusement or something equally as sinister for this moment.

“No, no. I don’t get any of that, do I?” I whispered so quietly that I didn’t know if he heard me. “I get the guy that skated through life, he said things that he knew girls would fall for. He played the sweet and innocent act that got people to approve but no act can last long. You showed your true colors. The way you let people fall so hard but you are never there to catch them.”

He looked as though he wanted to say something but there was nothing I wanted to hear. “So yeah, I do love you. I love your hair and your eyes. I love your sweet words and I hate your harsh goodbyes. I love those moments in the gym where we competed and I love our dances in the rain. I love the way you looked when we met, so childish and so innocent and I love the look in your eye when I am actually nice to you. I love when you are a complete jerk to everyone around you.” I remembering smiling as the many memories passed.

“You were there when I was finding myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore and you were there to carry me. To whisper in my ear that all was okay. Funny enough, I also hate you for all of those reasons.”

“Char-”

“No. I hate you so much that my heart hurts. I hate you for the fact that you have hurt me on countless occasions. I hate you so much!” I was screaming now. “So why do I have to love you?”

“Charlotte…”

“No. You can’t do it again.”

“Charlotte.”

“I said no! You can’t do it again! I won’t let you! I won’t listen to your sweet words only to let you hurt me all over again. I can’t do it anymore. So stay away from me.”

“What if I love you too?”

“Stay away from me,” I growled out as I stormed away. He was not someone I could always be around, he was not someone I was going to allow to hurt me again. I would not allow it.

I Am Not Ready to Date… Yet

As you guys probably know very well, a few months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. I thought he was the love of my life which was stupid since we were only together about seven months.

Honestly, the break up didn’t come to me as a surprise. We had problems and we were struggling. I knew that, I tried to talk about it but we were both denying it. We knew we had a problem but we would ignore it and would just make out or whatever. All we really did at one point in our relationship was kiss.

He was my first kiss… I didn’t know what the etiquette was supposed to be. I still don’t in fact. But anyways, this is not about him.

I have been struggling to move on, I mean, I thought moving on was having feelings for another guy but I realized recently that it wasn’t the case.

I went on a date to see Doctor Strange and while it didn’t start out that great (with a misunderstanding of addresses and then a minor car accident) , the date was not bad at all.

In fact, he was kind, understanding, funny, a good listener. He was great in fact and the reason behind why we will never have a second date has nothing to do with him but myself.

I have spent the time since we broke up, trying my hardest to get over who I thought was the love of my life. I “moved” on and I thought that was enough but now I realize that it isn’t true.

I have not moved on.

Perhaps my brain had moved on, my brain was able to make sense of the situation. I understand exactly why it happened and how. I understand all of this however, just like this quote.

“If the heart has not healed, it means it is not ready to move.” – Rexon Wilson.

I think that is where my problem lies, I don’t think my heart as healed…

How do you know when your heart is healed?
Honestly, I am not one hundred percent sure but I have made a list of starting points.

 

  1. Stop thinking about him.
  2. Stop comparing him to others.
  3. Stop caring about him.
  4. Realize that dating isn’t cheating.

 

That last one, that one is the worst. That moment when you are on a date and then your ex crosses your mind and you feel like you are cheating.

I was naive and in my naivety, I assumed my first kiss would be my last kiss. This is now an impossible dream that will never happen but I don’t think when we broke up that it occurred to me how much I don’t know.

Does my kissing (one month) rule change now that I actually have been kissed.

These are my five beginning steps to getting over somebody that I so desperately want to get over.

So, I have no idea what will happen in the future. I have no idea how long this process is. But apparently being sickened by the existence of a man isn’t enough.

Who would have thought?

Plus, for the extra bonuses of this realization, I will be able to get to know myself more. Know myself more than just as a writer, read, friend, and lover. I want to Sabrina Ingram as a whole and yes, all of those things are me but they aren’t only me.

I can’t be the only person who has gone through a break up! How did you guys do this?

Can’t wait to hear from you guys,

Sabrina Ingram.

Wouldn’t Change a Thing – POEM

 

My Hearts Hurting with Doubt.

When We First Met

I Had No Idea What Was Going to Happen.

I Didn’t Know What the Future Had in Store.

For Us.

And Sweetie

With Everything Happening Right Now

You Would Think I Would Take Back That Day

And Forget it Ever Happened.

But If I Did That

I Wouldn’t Have Fallen in Love With You.

I Would Have Never Known What Your Lips on Mine Felt Like

Or the Sparks I Feel Whenever You Touch Me.

So Even Though

We Are Where We Are…

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in the World.

I Would Have Never Known the Look in Your Eyes When You Look at Me

And That Keeps Me Content Right Where I Am

And It’s What Makes Me Know…

That We Can Get Through This

You and I.

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in the World

Because I Wouldn’t Have Fallen in Love With You

and I Would Have Never Known What’s It Like for Your Hands to Be in Mine.

I Wouldn’t Know

What It’s Like to Feel

Content in Someone’s Arms.

So Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Know.

Deep Inside My Soul

That I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in the World.

I’m Glad to Know What It’s Like

To Be In Your Arms

To Be the Topic of Your Love.

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in the World

If It Meant that I Lost You.

So Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Wouldn’t Go Back and Change a Thing.

And Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Know That We Can Fight This

Together

With Your Hand in Mine.

Because I Love You

And I Know the Feeling of Being in Your Arms

And the Feelings of Having Your Hand in Mine.

That Alone Can Get Me Through

Because I Can’t Imagine a World Without You.

So Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Wouldn’t Go Back and a Change

In This World

Because I Wouldn’t Have Ever Been the Object of Your Infection

and I Wouldn’t Ever Have Felt Your Lips on Mine.

So Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in This World.

Simply a Cautionary Tale of a Broken Heart – POEM

 

You know that with all the history that has been conspired between us

I expected our story amidst the history books.

I expected our love to come from the depths of the books and become the main story line.

But as we stand here, I know…

I know that the story was one of the past.

The history book that had our story will be of one that was a broken tragedy.

So as we stand here, let me tell you good bye.

As we stand here, know that as I tell our story

It will come from my heart

It won’t be the epic love that I thought it to be

But the tragedy that it was meant to be.

Let me tell you good bye now.

Good bye!

Our story was there for the books but it’s simply the cautionary tale of love.

Just let me tell you that this was the story that I thought was meant for the books

But now, we are just simply the cautionary tale.

Our kind words, our sweet music created will be buried in the story of our demise.

I stood here once before

I thought of the words that would be spoken during this time

and I have come to the conclusion that our story was there.

That the history book with our life in it comes from the depths of our own hearts.

We came from the land of beautiful love so as we stand here

I forget that our demise was once a love.

It’s our demise that makes me know

That the last words that we need to speak will be the words of a good bye.

We are no longer the epic story that belonged ingrained in our kids minds.

We are simply that cautionary tale of a broken heart.

We will no longer be the story of the prince and princess.

We will just be the story of the cautionary tale

So as we stand here, let me tell you good bye.

As we stand here, know that as I tell our story

It will come from my heart

It won’t be the epic love that I thought it to be

But the tragedy that it was meant to be.

It’s our demise that makes me know

That the last words that we need to speak will be the words of a good bye.

We are no longer the epic story that belonged ingrained in our kids minds.

We are simply that cautionary tale of a broken heart.

So let me tell you good bye.