Why Did I Go Vegan?

 

This is the most common question that I’ve heard since the moment that I became vegan. “Why did you do it?” Like it’s some unimaginable concept that somebody could become vegan, that somebody could make the decision to change their eating habits to this degree.

 

I’ll admit that I changed a lot, it wasn’t even one of those things that I slowly began to cut things out, all of it was simply gone one day. I had one last day where I ate tuna sandwiches and cereal and almost had half a thing of nutella as my parting goodbye. It was a decision, something that came about from a moment of curiosity.

 

I was struggling with food, something that has been an on-going battle which will definitely be something that I discuss more in the future. At the time, I was 200 pounds and felt absolutely disgusting and I was binge eating all of the time. I was not in a good place.

 

And then one day, I was on YouTube and I found all of these vegan YouTubers. I started watching vegan videos, like foods and recipes. I watched videos on why people became vegan and why people were not vegan and I became curious.

 

I started watching documentaries and videos of how animals are treated and it was during “Cowspiracy” that I had this epiphany. Or rather this general disgust. I was watching how cows were treated and I just couldn’t stomach the idea of eating meat ever again. I couldn’t stomach the idea of being the reason why these animals were being mistreated.

 

But it wasn’t just that, I was going through some things. I was unhappy and sad and I hated my body and I hated my diet. I didn’t think Veganism would fix it but I wanted to try.

 

Alongside all of these reasons, I have chronic stomach pain where I randomly get stabbing pains in my stomach which came after Gallbladder surgery back in November of 2015. I wanted a way to make this better and I knew that there was a possibility that changing my diet would positively impact this problem.

 


 

Follow Me on Social Media

 

Twitter:

Instagram:

Advertisements

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold : Book Review

 

Book Title: The Lovely Bones.

Author: Alice Sebold.

Publication Date: 2002.

Rating (Out of Five Stars): 2.

 

Possible Spoilers Ahead!

 

When I had first found this novel, I was actually fascinated because I was curious to see how they would handle the aftermath of a murdered girl. My original interest stems from an interest in missing persons cases (I have a suggestion at the end of this if you want to check it out!)

 

While, I can understand the general popularity of the novel and I would suggest this novel to any young teenager as it is a mature and serious conversation about predators and rape.

 

However, I found the content to be random. While I do understand that the story followed a fourteen year old girl who had just been murdered and lived in the in between, she randomly started remembering things that I found to be irrelevant or filler pieces.

 

The most emotionally charged piece in the entire novel, had everything to do with her murder scene which they do describe fairly well. She describes the rape and the murder right until moments before she died and it almost made me break down in tears and I almost walked away completely.

 

I thought the portrayal of the characters were amazing, I found myself understanding and relating to the reactions of the father, who became obsessive, and Lindsey, who clinged onto beauty and her boyfriend, and even the mother, who wanted to numb herself in a lot of ways, such as the relationship that bloomed between the cop and her.

 

There were a few chapters that angered me, where they tried to make the situation of the family significantly worse than it should have been, like the competition that the camp came up with after Susie’s murder where Lindsey was.

 

I loved the idea of what they had, to follow the story of the girl who had been murdered as she watched her family and her murderer’s life unfold. However, I found myself to be ultimately disappointed in the story.

 

After I finished the book, I found the movie on Netflix and decided to watch it and I must admit, the imagery and the way they treated the movie was amazing. Many of the filler pieces and the stuff that I hated was taken away and they focused on her moving on.

 

In a crazy way, I preferred the movie over the book which is incredibly upsetting to me and honestly, it ruined the book even more for me.

 

If you want to check out my other book reviews!

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden : Book Review

Adultolescence by Gabbie Hanna : Book Review + Top Ten List!

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak : Book Review

One of Us is Lying by Karen M. McManus – Book Review

Beauty and the Beast Book Review

It’s Not Okay by Andi Dorfman : Book Review

A Little Princess : Book Review

Harry Potter and The Cursed Child : Book Review

Water for Elephants : BOOK REVIEW

 

My Books!

The White Butterfly.

The Girl in the Cage.

 

Social Media!

Twitter: Sheswritingmore.

Instagram: Sheswritingmore.

Snapchat: Sheswritingmore.

 

If you like missing person’s stories, check Danelle Hallan out!

Youtube

Twitter

 

The Book That Tells You Who I Was and Who I Am

When I first read the book, 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher, I remember crying. I had been in 7th grade and it was during a time where I had changed my entire life. I had become friends with some of the best people I would ever meet. They were kind, they were trusting, and they were smart. But not only that, they were some of the strongest people I ever knew.

This strength, the strength that I admired came from what they did. The scars on their wrist that proved the fight they endured. The new, barely healed all the way and the scars that had existed for years. They were lost and confused and despite their kindness, despite their intelligence, they found solace and comfort in the blood that dripped, the single moment of pain that crossed as they cut was enough for them.

I used to wonder, why was this enough? Why was feeling the pain enough?

I didn’t understand, a big reason why my friendships with every single one of them ended. I was nothing and everything like them. I think the reason why they liked me is because I reminded them of themselves. They were my age, sure, but I was just a bit behind them. The pain and the desire to feel that pain would not make sense to me yet.

But let’s make something clear, I do not have scars on my wrist nor do I have them anywhere else. At least, not from the purposeful attempts that I recognized so well. I am a klutz after all.

But no, when I first read the book, I was on the other side. I related to Clay Jensen, the friend incredibly aware of what was going on yet completely not. I screamed, not understanding why she didn’t talk to somebody who would listen. I screamed at her for continuously going to these parties, I screamed for her continual bad taste in boys.

I hated Hannah Baker because I didn’t understand and I was too afraid to ever touch the book again.

Then the show came out… The show I had long wanted for many years. I added it to my Netflix quene, I made plans to watch it and then when those plans fell through, I became ecstatic that they did.

Because the scariest thing about this book, about this show, is the chance that one day you will relate to how she feels. You will understand exactly why she did it because you know exactly how she feels.

No, I am not suicidal and I will tell you exactly why once I say all of the things that I need to say.

When I watched the show, it was like a decade had passed. My entire life was drastically different. The people who once saw their old selves in me now were me. My eyes no longer saw through the eyes of Clay, the one person who had never bullied her and hurt her but yet had done so anyways.

I saw from the eyes of Hannah Baker. The girl who had been hurt by everyone, the bullies, the friendships, the love. I used to think that one person was necessary to keep you afloat. That the one person was capable of being everything you needed in your life.

I now understood why she didn’t think it was enough, sure, people are important but one person is never enough. One person is not capable of being a lifeline. Sometimes, that one person is too late.

This feeling was scary, terrifying. What did it mean that I understood? That her words could easily have been mine. What did it mean?

I will go back to explaining why the moments of pain is enough, is worth the scars. That moment of pain is like a realization that you are still there, this moment is like it’s grounding you to the real world. There are no stones connecting to your feet any longer, keeping you down and the blood brings you up for a moment. That moment for me however doesn’t come through seeing blood dripping from my wrist but instead it comes from the types of a keyboard, the words forming and creating the power in me to write these things to you.

Of course, why did I never try it? Why did the blood never once pour, even though I never had any idea of what it actually felt like? In the 7th, I found out what the fear of death would be like and it wasn’t my death that I feared.

One of my strong, talented, kind, and intelligent friends did what I had always feared, I worried about what might happen if I never stopped it in time. I went around my group of friends, begging and asking them to hand over their special carving tools. I remember on Christmas, I had done so with my best friend.

I gave her my gift, a charm bracelet with an ‘R’ on it, standing for a nickname that I had given her during this time. I have no idea if she still has the bracelet but I do remember that her gift was the knife and she handed it to me inside the box I had given her. A silver, glittery box that I kept hidden in my house until longer after we stopped being friends.

But this isn’t about her, this is about when she came up to me crying. She told me that he had been upset, that he had texted her telling her that he was done with his life and that he wanted to kill himself. He then abruptly stopped texting her and didn’t come that day, the day she told me and I feared for the worst.

I broke down crying in the middle of class, my tears were never ending as I feared for the worst continuously. I was scared, so, so scared. Eventually, the teacher was fed up with my crying, telling me to leave the classroom and never once bothering to ask what had happened. I did as she asked and I went to the bathroom until the end of her class and I was still crying.

When class finally ended, my friend came and found me. She hugged me and tried to coax me into going to my favorite class. To my favorite teacher in the entire world (to this day) and she hugged me at once and I told her everything. I was worried for his life.

When I was done, she told the principal who told the guidance counselor and I found myself there for the next hour, not once had I stopped crying. They had me tell my story, my relationship with him and why I came to believe what happened.

This was the first time I ever found myself crying in a counselor’s office and it was the first time that I had ever feared for someone’s life and I really, really wish that it had been the last but it never is, is it?

He didn’t die that day.

After that, I couldn’t ever do the same thing that my friends had done and it had become a personal promise and mission for myself never to do so. Regardless of how lost, disconnected, or alone I was.

Before you get worried about me, I have you guys. I have my writing to keep me intact and when that doesn’t work, I talk to my therapist about it. Anxiety and PTSD guys, isn’t it riveting?

If you guys think suicide is the option, please try and do something before you do it. http://www.youcannotbereplaced.com/ Check websites like this, do anything.

I love you guys,

Sabrina Ingram.

Dear Ex-Best Friend

Dear Ex-Best Friend,

You’re as obsessed with Facebook as I am and I keep running into these open letters, letters that can be read by anyone but is directed to a specific person.

Have you been seeing those too?

I knew I wanted to write this letter, I knew that I had about a million and one things that I wanted to say. It’s funny, our friendship was capable of creating so many emotions between the two of us. Anger, Sadness, Joy, and so much more.

I started writing a book recently, The Girl in the Cage, and it is about a girl who lost her best friend in a rather similar way that we lost each other. There is this one moment, a single moment, that is the final straw and while there are so many other reasons, this is the reason most clear.

It started from the day we met, I wasn’t a big fan of you but our science teacher kept putting us into groups and we were the only two who would work on it in those groups.

We became friends because of that.

But you were very different than any person I had ever encountered before, you were very sheltered and not because you were oblivious or anything but because you were literally sheltered, I mean, you were home schooled.

Your mannerisms were awkward, your approach was a question of the social norm, your kindness was minimal, and your look was one that could kill. You were not exactly approachable.

I wish I could say that changed but honestly, it never did. I would put my blinders up and ignore everything, I would pretend.

You were harsh and cruel in many, many ways. Your opinions were outdated and while we agreed on SOME things, it was not nearly enough.

It didn’t help that having an opinion different from yours is basically out of the question as you were the type to jump at someone, ready to fight at any given moment.

It’s funny, you were my best friend and yet I could never describe feeling so caged up better than I was friends with you and I didn’t even realize it. There is a point in the book, a book I am sure you will never read, that describes looking into a cage and not realizing it at first.

“I created a person that was not me but looked like me. She had my eyes and my hair and even my smile but they were revealed through harsh intakes of doubt. Everything about her on the outside was me and even I believed she was… Until somebody cut her and revealed the girl in the cage.

Her voice was tampered with, the volume turned so low that her words had no impact or meaning. Her mouth was taped shut, not wanting to reveal the truth. Her eyes were covered, refusing to reveal the world as how it really was.”

It feels so cruel to feel this way, you were someone I clung onto after my heart was broken many times, somebody who listened to everything I had to say, and somebody I cared about more than myself.

But that in itself was the problem. I didn’t want to anger you, I didn’t want to upset you, and I tried to do everything in my power to continue being your friend. It wasn’t until my feelings were hurt and I began to think, analyzing our friendship.

I looked back at the friendships I held dearly and lost in order to please you, I began to think of the times that I felt less than nothing, I began to think of the times that I was alone more often than not.

You were somebody that meant so much to me that I was willing to no longer be capable of being myself and I am ashamed of not you but me for this.

I tried so hard and there was no need and I wonder what our relationship would have been had I not caged myself up because it was not you who put me in the cage, it was myself.

I was never angry with you, when I said that, I was telling the truth however I was consistently hurt by you. My heart often felt broken and I didn’t even realize it.

So while every fiber of my being misses you, wanting to pretend that my feelings were not a thing, and as much as I wish that we could have been friends forever… I know that we couldn’t be.

In order for the both of us to be happy, either of us to be, we could no longer be friends and I didn’t realize that at first and while my heart aches when I can’t talk to you and I feel more alone than ever, I know that this was for the best.

I don’t hate you. I don’t think I ever could.

I just don’t want anything to do with you and that kills me.

I hope you find happiness, I hope you find a career and passion that drives you, I hope you find a love so pure and amazing that you are willing to love them without question. I hope for so many things with you. I hope you find much better friends.

I don’t wish you a sad life, I don’t wish you a bad one.

I want you to be happy in whatever happens to you but now I know that I am not someone who will ever be apart of that. I love you deeply.

So I leave you with this, my final parting, as I bid you goodbye.

– Sabrina Ingram.

Sneak Peek to My New Story!

“You think I want to love you? You don’t think that the idea of loving you, the knowledge that I have been in love with you since the day we met doesn’t kill me? When we first met, I thought we would be enemies.” I remember spitting out these words, I remember the feeling in my heart as I fought not to cry being there.

“We weren’t enemies though, the cocky boy was no match to the girl trying to find herself is what I thought. I was at least strong enough to realize that you were not the guy for me. But here I am, standing in front of you as I admit that I love you even though it is the last thing I want.” I closed my eyes, the tears were threatening but I needed to say this.

“When I thought of love, you were not what I imagined. I thought of a person who supported you and cared for you and was there through everything but here I am loving you for all that is holy, I can not figure out why. You have not been there for me, you have not cared for me.” I wanted to hit him, I wanted to slap him right there. The look in his eyes, the look of amusement or something equally as sinister for this moment.

“No, no. I don’t get any of that, do I?” I whispered so quietly that I didn’t know if he heard me. “I get the guy that skated through life, he said things that he knew girls would fall for. He played the sweet and innocent act that got people to approve but no act can last long. You showed your true colors. The way you let people fall so hard but you are never there to catch them.”

He looked as though he wanted to say something but there was nothing I wanted to hear. “So yeah, I do love you. I love your hair and your eyes. I love your sweet words and I hate your harsh goodbyes. I love those moments in the gym where we competed and I love our dances in the rain. I love the way you looked when we met, so childish and so innocent and I love the look in your eye when I am actually nice to you. I love when you are a complete jerk to everyone around you.” I remembering smiling as the many memories passed.

“You were there when I was finding myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore and you were there to carry me. To whisper in my ear that all was okay. Funny enough, I also hate you for all of those reasons.”

“Char-”

“No. I hate you so much that my heart hurts. I hate you for the fact that you have hurt me on countless occasions. I hate you so much!” I was screaming now. “So why do I have to love you?”

“Charlotte…”

“No. You can’t do it again.”

“Charlotte.”

“I said no! You can’t do it again! I won’t let you! I won’t listen to your sweet words only to let you hurt me all over again. I can’t do it anymore. So stay away from me.”

“What if I love you too?”

“Stay away from me,” I growled out as I stormed away. He was not someone I could always be around, he was not someone I was going to allow to hurt me again. I would not allow it.

Hiding Behind My Heart – POEM

 

His eyes were dark

The sliver of color that perpetrated hid in a dark manner.

My heart hammered as I met those eyes.

My mind told me to hide

My heart told me to move closer.

A battle of hate and love flourished

And the fire that ensued fought for a win.

I don’t know how it happened

But as I moved closer

I learned that I was hiding.

Hiding behind my heart

And I let it win

And told my brain

That it was wrong.

Wouldn’t Change a Thing – POEM

 

My Hearts Hurting with Doubt.

When We First Met

I Had No Idea What Was Going to Happen.

I Didn’t Know What the Future Had in Store.

For Us.

And Sweetie

With Everything Happening Right Now

You Would Think I Would Take Back That Day

And Forget it Ever Happened.

But If I Did That

I Wouldn’t Have Fallen in Love With You.

I Would Have Never Known What Your Lips on Mine Felt Like

Or the Sparks I Feel Whenever You Touch Me.

So Even Though

We Are Where We Are…

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in the World.

I Would Have Never Known the Look in Your Eyes When You Look at Me

And That Keeps Me Content Right Where I Am

And It’s What Makes Me Know…

That We Can Get Through This

You and I.

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in the World

Because I Wouldn’t Have Fallen in Love With You

and I Would Have Never Known What’s It Like for Your Hands to Be in Mine.

I Wouldn’t Know

What It’s Like to Feel

Content in Someone’s Arms.

So Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Know.

Deep Inside My Soul

That I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in the World.

I’m Glad to Know What It’s Like

To Be In Your Arms

To Be the Topic of Your Love.

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in the World

If It Meant that I Lost You.

So Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Wouldn’t Go Back and Change a Thing.

And Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Know That We Can Fight This

Together

With Your Hand in Mine.

Because I Love You

And I Know the Feeling of Being in Your Arms

And the Feelings of Having Your Hand in Mine.

That Alone Can Get Me Through

Because I Can’t Imagine a World Without You.

So Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Wouldn’t Go Back and a Change

In This World

Because I Wouldn’t Have Ever Been the Object of Your Infection

and I Wouldn’t Ever Have Felt Your Lips on Mine.

So Even Though We’re Where We Are

I Wouldn’t Change a Thing in This World.