Paranoia. – POEM.

 

Is there somebody listening?

Have you seen the rustle of the trees?

I think somebody may be there

I know that people want to know

I know that people want to listen

I think I just saw somebody

Lurking in the woods

I know that I just saw a shadow

I don’t think my eyes are deceiving me

You’re telling me this is simply

Paranoia

But I know what I saw

My eyes weren’t deceiving me

I think I heard my name in that conversation over there

This can’t be paranoia

My eyes can not be lying to me

Why does nobody believe me?

Are they in on it too?

There’s something in those trees over there

I don’t think we’re safe anymore

I think something serious is happening

I think somebody wants to harm me

No

Don’t tell me this paranoia

This can not be paranoia

There is no way this is paranoia

My eyes are not lying to me

I can see it over there

Right there

Right now

Can’t you?

Why can’t you see it?

I know it’s there?

This isn’t paranoia

I’m not crazy

Don’t tell me I am

Why can no one else see the truth?

How can my eyes not be trustworthy?

Maybe they need to leave my body

I can’t have something I don’t trust

Maybe I can claw them out

Who cares if I can’t see?

Maybe that’s for the best

I won’t be able to see what is in the woods

And I don’t think that’s bad

Since nobody else can see.

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Welcome to Brunesville 4

If you have not read the first part, click here.

If you have not read the second part, click here.

If you have not read the third part, click here.

 


If you want to check out the character page! It will take you to a google document with basic information for the character. At the beginning of every part, I will be posting the character page at the beginning. Feel free to look over it for information in regards to Margana Hazelwood.


 

Welcome to Brunesville

Part Four

 


 

(Roll- 14) (Dexterity Check- 14) Once everyone was free, the boys had formed a plan and had even decided to include her into the plan rather than leaving her alone as the rest of the boys sneaked out of the dungeon and began to go down the hall, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

 

(Roll- 7) (Roll- 19) Unfortunately, just as she rounded a corner, the rest of the boys leaving her as the princess caught sight of her and stared for a moment.

 

(Roll- 18) “You look rather familiar,” The princess drawled in thought.

 

“I’m sorry, princess?” Margana asked, “I have arrived in an attempt to become a maid of the castle, unfortunately, I have gotten lost on my way,” Margana lied as the princess hummed in thought.

 

(Charisma Check- 10) The princess hummed in thought, “I had not been aware that father was planning on hiring a maid. No matter, he is no longer here though how about this? I will allow you to come back tomorrow when father gets here and will force him to see you.” Margana’s eyes widened in surprise, “That is mighty kind of you, princess.”

 

“No matter, no matter. I am actually in need of a maid anyways. I recently fired my last one, asked too many questions that one did. Now, leave.” Margana nodded swiftly, bowing lightly before quickly walking down the hall in an attempt to leave the castle.

 

(Roll- 1) When she finally left the castle, she looked around for the boys to no avail and began to decide about what her next moves should be. She thought about abiding to the Princess’ request but eventually decided against it, in fear that she would one day remember what had happened that day and would realize that the prisoners have run away and figure out it was her.

 

With that, she looked around her and noticed the woods coming from the right in the distance and began to head in that direction.

 

(Perception Check- 15) As she walked, she didn’t even notice a young boy coming up from behind her until she felt something rub against her dress as he attempted to find money and attempted to grab his hand.

 

(Dexterity Check- 10) However, as her hand reached to stop the boy, he quickly withdrawn and took a step back, fear overcoming him as he cowered away from the young girl.

 

“You are much too young for this,” Margana snapped before reaching into her began for her coins and giving him ten. “I am not a horrible person and I suspect if you tried to ask for money rather than stealing, you would not fail in this attempt. You’re young,” Margana advised, before trying to turn away. (-10 Coins)
(Roll- 2) “Thank you so much!” The young boy shouted from behind, as Margana decided to refrain from responding though adorned a soft smile on her face.

 


 

Not super long but she is officially out of the castle, broke, and on her way to the forest. What shall happen?

 

FIND OUT NEXT SUNDAY ON APRIL 29th, 2018.

My Future Plans

 

I really wanted to share with you guys what will be happening in the next couple years as things will be changing in my life as I am graduating from High School in a matter of months.

 

I’d like to start off bragging about myself. Throughout my high school experience, I was involved in just about every single club at my school save for National Honors Society and Gamer’s Club throughout the four years.

 

Additionally, I published two novels. The White Butterfly, which was published in 2016, and chronicles the life of a girl going through a break-up (and my mom’s personal favorite) and The Girl in the Cage, which was behind a lot of drama before finally being published in late 2017.

 

While my ACT score was not impressive and my grades were less than sub-par, I was indeed accepted into quite a few schools come my senior year. Out of the six schools that I applied to, I was accepted into four of them with three of them offering a scholarship of some sort.

 

However, the most important thing to note was that I was accepted into Queens University of Charlotte for the fall semester of 2018. This had been a school that I had fallen in love with in my Freshman year of high school and had basically been my soul school. Where, regardless of what scholarship I got or whatever else, I could not go to a different school if I was accepted into Queens.

 

If it isn’t obvious enough, I accepted and have since paid for their enrollment deposit.

 

I will be attended Queens University as I go after my Bachelors in Creative Writing with a plan to minor in European History. A fact that very few may know that follow this website actively is that I have a deep desire to one day write historical fiction. I plan on pursuing my interests while going after what I truly love to do.

 

I have received some backlash by members of my family, as I will not be pursing some high pay job of being a surgeon or some sort of business person but honestly, my ultimate goal at this point in my life is to follow my passion, my goals, and to make my dream come true. It has always been important to me to ensure that my happiness and well- being is put above the amount of money that I make on a monthly basis.

 

I will, obviously, find jobs that I believe to be appropriate for me until the day that I can write exclusively for a living. Ideally this would entail a job where I would write for a website or something like that.

 

For those of you who are wondering about Apple (my ferret) , I will be explaining his journey and his future soon but don’t worry, none of it is bad, it is simply something that I would like to share with you on a separate day. He will obviously continue being in my life, though. He is way too important to me for this not to be the case.

 

Beyond my future in regards to university, I honestly have no idea. I know that I plan on travelling a lot and that I plan on moving OUT of North Carolina but beyond that, I’m just not quite sure.

 

Check out posts regarding writing:

Why Do I Write Romantic Tragedies?

Why Do I Write?

What I Want From My Readers

 

Check out posts regarding Apple:

I Am a Proud Mother of Apple – My Ferret

Ferrets: Truth, Myths, and Stories Alike!

 

Social Media!

Twitter: @ShesWritingMore

Apple’s Instagram: @apple_the_ferret

Instagram: @ShesWritingMore

Why Do I Write Romantic Tragedies?

 

It’s a question that I’m asked quite often, especially after people watch some famous romantic tragedy like The Notebook or something like that. They will ask me the dumb questions, “Do you get high from killing off your characters?” or my personal favorite “If you love romantic tragedies, does that mean that all of your relationships are doomed?”

 

It’s an assumption that is made by a lot of people, if I enjoy writing romantic tragedies then I must be a masochist. Basically, I’m playing the Taylor Swift card, where people ASSUME that I get into relationships so that I have a tragedy to write about.

 

So, I’m going to paint you a picture, okay?

 

Let’s say you grew up in a family where there was no love. Maybe your parents were divorced or maybe it had become painfully obvious that they were only married because of you.

 

Alternatively, you are now of high school age, you are in love and then suddenly and completely out of the view, the guy/ girl breaks your heart.

 

These people have either grown up, knowing the realities of love. They have looked at romance novels and have scoffed. Most of these aren’t the people who dreamed of falling in love and proving that everything would be okay if only they were in the arms of some muscular man.

 

When I first started working on The White Butterfly, my first published novel that I actually enjoyed writing, I had just gone through a break up and during this time, I was heartbroken.

 

I watched movies that were supposedly the movie that you should always watch after a break up and the most annoying theme was the fact that they ended up together. I didn’t want that, during my heartbreak, I wanted to know that I was not alone and I wanted to see an actress feel broken after a break up.

 

So that’s exactly what I wrote, a romantic tragedy about a girl getting over a break up.

 

It’s not that I was some cruel human being that wanted somebody to hurt for fun, I just wanted a story that would heal my heart.

 

I don’t consider romantic tragedies to be a genre that is purposely supposed to hurt you but a story that can heal you if you’re the right person. Whether you were hurt or you need a story that just doesn’t end well or maybe even a good cry.

 

If you like this, you might like:

Why Do I Write?

What I Want From My Readers

 

If you like romantic tragedies, check out my novels:

The White Butterfly

The Girl in the Cage

 

Social Media!

Instagram: Sheswritingmore.

Twitter: Sheswritingmore.

Snapchat: Sheswritingmore.

Why Do I Write?

 

You know, it’s kind of funny. I have preached to all of you at some point or another about my writing. I have told my story and journey among countless stories. However, I have many people in my life such as friends and family that I have not explained my career as a writer to.

 

Here is my explanation, why I write when I could be doing something that makes more sense. Why do I write even though I know my family looks at me with scrutiny? Even though I know it won’t give me the best money that the world could ask for.

 

Why do I write when sometimes it is the hardest part of my life?

 

These are all perfectly valid questions and yet, I shy away from it. I wanted people to not ask me and I didn’t care if I were judged for my lack of my response but now I care more than anything in the world about how I respond and this is my public forum to do so. Without publicly addressing any of my family members who have judged my choices or my friends who have simply not understood, here are my answers to your questions.

 

“Why aren’t you a doctor or a teacher or something that gives guaranteed money?” My answer to those who have asked me this question was a shrug in response or a simple, “I don’t know.” However, here is my honest response.

 

I have looked at my mother who was dreadfully unhappy with her career- something that she had no interest in doing and I have looked at teachers who were upset about something their bosses did. I have learned what it would be like to see a teacher happy to teach and passionate about it and I have seen a teacher who lost all hope in the career as a whole.

 

Early on in my life, I had decided that this wasn’t the course of action for me. I refused to do something that made me want to call in sick to work when I was perfectly healthy or just completely give up to the point where all we did was watch movies during class so that they didn’t have to do anything. I was not going to be that person and if I were a doctor or a teacher, I wouldn’t be doing anything that I was passionate about.

 

“Why have you never looked at any other career options?” I had once mentioned that my favorite class at the time was a philosophy class that dealt with the concept of ethics and what exactly ethics were. The person that I had been conversing with said, “Perhaps you should look into that career more, become a philosopher if that interests you.”

 

But, he didn’t bother to ask me why I was interested in the class or why it was my favorite class of the semester at the time. He didn’t bother to find out that I was taking Math 3 and some other class that I can’t even remember now and that I was having daily panic attacks and stressed out moments because of those classes. Additionally, my interest in the class had absolutely nothing to do with the topic but how I could see the topic forming my work.

 

My favorite thing about all of my classes for a long time, and even now, was directly correlated to how it would help me advance in my career as an author. Did it help me form my characters better or inspire me in a new piece of poetry that I had worked on?

 

Ethics was doing all of that, I was listening about topics and writing in the margins of my notes constantly about what I could do with that in a story and whether I wanted to address the ethical implications of anything. It even enhanced the work as I began including ethics in the background which gave the story more meaning and impact.

 

But, that didn’t really answer the question. “Why don’t I ever look at other career options?” The amount of times I’ve heard, “You can write anywhere” or “Writing is involved with every career” could make me a millionaire if money were involved.

 

These same people however, who would ask me these questions never did ask me if I had considered other career options. They assumed that because I wanted to be an author that I had never once looked into other careers. But actually, I had looked into being a business owner, baker, chef, teacher, political activist, and so much more. If I had ever showed the slightest fascination with the subject, I looked into it.

 

But I was never passionate. I was never the way I am now with writing. I knew that if I were to decide to major in International Studies and become some officer or representative that I would never have the ambition or desire to work as I do now as a writer. If I wanted to do something with languages, I would never try as hard as I do to be an author.

 

I am 17 (almost 18) years old and I just published my second novel, I have been published in multiple poetry books, and I write this blog where I try my hardest to post every single week.

 

So, my answer to this question is simply this, “I have looked into multiple professions but the more I looked, the more I was drawn to writing as a career. I feel as though it is my duty to write and that I am somehow betraying myself if I don’t follow through with it.”

 

“Why don’t you want to make money?”

 

I know that I will not have guaranteed money, in fact the likelihood of ever having guaranteed money within this profession is fairly low unless I write a best selling series such as Harry Potter and create a franchise that is beloved and cherished by millions. So, why don’t I want to make money?

 

Well, if I didn’t want to make any money, I could easily make my work free or as cheap as humanly possible just for everyone to be happy which would basically be the cost to actually publish the work. So, the fact that my work isn’t free immediately makes this question invalid.

 

However, if you’re asking me why I don’t suck it up and go after something that is more substantial in the materialistic lifestyle of those around me, well, maybe I don’t care about money as much as I care about my mental health? Writing is a life source for me and in my personal belief, if I wasn’t writing then I wouldn’t be alive or who I am now which I honestly put hand in hand.

 

I am not being dramatic when I say this either. There are only two occasions that I can remember where I completely stopped writing. I turned my back to my work as I left many things unfinished and never once picked up a single piece of paper or a word document and did not write for even a minute.

 

The first time was going into my freshman year of high school where I was actually grounded from writing and I had gone off the deep end to the point that I took every single piece of paper out of my room and locked it in some random closet and took every single pen, pencil, marker, highlighter, or crayon and placed it among my paper.

 

It is during that summer that I lost myself and when I returned to writing, I was no longer the same person and I could feel it. I had lost a sense of passion and confidence in myself that I couldn’t regain for a long time and it took me an even longer time to actually write once I could again. It was an out of body experience for a long time, I had once been a bubbly and excitable person but I had taken up a darker side in my personality that actually never went away.

 

The second time had been my personal choice and even though I was still writing this blog, I had given up on writing entirely. A horrifying concept to admit but it was only during the summer going into senior year that I had walked away from writing and almost considered giving up entirely. While admittedly it was under personal events that lead to this, I had grown into a serious depression that I was struggling with in which nobody in my family or my friends noticed. I had felt as though the safety net and comfort of writing had been taken away from me and with this breach, I felt disconnected from the world because of it.

 

As you can see, writing is my mental health staple and it is only when I am not writing that my mental health makes a serious decline. So when I say that writing is my choice in the benefit of my health, I am never exaggerating.

 

“What are you going to do with your degree?” As many of you probably know, my plans for my educational career is to get my bachelors in Creative Writing and to minor in European History. On many occasions, the reaction is almost snooty and I immediately have to find myself boasting about my work so that they don’t judge my experiences.

 

I have spoken with college admissions counselors during college fairs where they would openly insult my choice in majoring in creative writing, telling me that I was destined to become homeless and that he had bet I had never even written anything in my life and that I was taking the “easy” way. My response to him was very simple, I got out a piece of paper and wrote down the words. “The White Butterfly, Amazon. www.sheswritingmore.com.” Which is my novel and this here website.

 

I quickly walked away from him, never once looking back to the college as a potential option but unfortunately, that has not been the first or last time that I had such as similar encounter.

 

Somebody was working on their senior project recently and they messaged me, asking me if they could me as they needed to interview an author and ask them questions. It actually surprised me when I realized that I actually did qualify for such an hour and in one of her interview questions, she asked me, “do you ever get writer’s block and if so, why do you still write?”

 

I have struggled with writer’s block countless times, as I’ve mentioned before and it always seems to coincide with the darkest moments of my entire life. I am a broken vessel that might as well have been possessed because I was never myself during these times.

 

The days where I am hunched over my computer or furiously writing the newest chapter of my novel during class are the best days. The clacking of the keyboard or the scratching from the pen to paper are my favorite sounds in the entire. These sounds, feelings, and surroundings are what gives me life in the long run.

 

So, why do I write? Why do I write when sometimes I can’t? Why do I write when sometimes it is the hardest thing to do in the world?

 

Because…

 

I am a writer and those hardest moments are my weakest moments. Those moments make me want to walk away from writing as my heart aches in pain and my mind races with thoughts. But those best moments are my strongest as I am hunched over my computer or writing on a piece of paper as my thoughts turn into words.

 

I write because it is my oxygen more so than oxygen really is.

 

Buy The White Butterfly Here.

Buy The Girl in the Cage Here.

Follow Me on Twitter Here.

Check out my other work while you’re here!

 

 

THE GIRL IN THE CAGE IS OUT!

 

Hello everyone,

 

As many of you know, I have been writing this story since November of last year titled The Girl in the Cage which deals with unhealthy relationships ranging from friendships to relationships and even briefly glosses over unhealthy family life styles.

 

Because of this, I have spent many hours mulling over the content of this story and re-reading it more times than I count to the point where I could probably rewrite the entire story word for word without ever looking at the novel (which I would never, ever do for any reason.)

 

It’s crazy to me that I can even remotely say that the story is finished more or less ready to be published because there have been so many reasons as to why I should walk away from this story but the more reasons that were represented to me, the more I knew I had to finish this story.

 

For reasons, hard to explain. When you get to finally see this post, only the paperback version will be ready for publication however the kindle version will take a few more weeks to fix up as I did make a mistake during my planning….. (Sorry guys!)

 

But anyways, for those of you curious as to what the book is about: A young girl, by the name of Charlotte, runs into her best friend and long time crush in a compromising situation. Even though they had specifically made the decision to leave them alone however because of this, Charlotte makes a hasty decision and breaks off their friendship. The story follows Charlotte as she begins the healing process and the escape from the confines of a cage and becomes her own self as she meets new people and new love interests.

 

The official description: “I created a person that was not me but looked like me. She had my eyes and my hair and even my smile but they were revealed through harsh intakes of doubt. Everything about her on the outside was me and even I believed she was… Until somebody revealed the true cage that she had been inside all along.

 

Her voice was tampered with, the volume turned so low that her words had no impact or meaning. Her mouth was taped shut, not wanting to reveal the truth. Her eyes were covered, refusing to reveal the world as how it was.

 

But even though I was now introduced to the world, I was still missing my eyes, my voice, and even my words. I was not myself even though I was saved… And now… I must find out who I am…

 

The first day of this story… It was the day I was released from the cage that I didn’t even realize that I wanted out of so desperately.”

 

But guys, I really just wanted to thank you a million times because it is this way of being able to express myself that I have used so many times to understand the story better and get a better grasp of my characters. It is mind boggling to me that this story is actually being published after so long!

 

You can pre-order The Girl in the Cage for the e-book version now and the paperback version will be ready November 1st or the 2nd, all things depending.

 

 

 

Unrequited Crushes

 

You know, the most fascinating thing about life is that people have crushes. We look at different individuals or we meet individuals and you find their hair, eyes, and maybe even their voice attractive.

 

We begin this weird crush where we begin getting to know them, not necessarily just by conversation but by what we learn as we find ourselves observing them from afar or even when the lucky few actually have the courage to begin a conversation with them.

 

It’s crazy, we find ourselves physically attracted so we slowly become emotionally invested in them, like when we become obsessive over a celebrity but with this person, it’s a legitimate possibility.

 

With the celebrity, there are so many factors on why you will never date the celebrity such as age, personal interests, differences, and their celebrity lifestyle. However with this person, they are someone that you see a good amount of times, somebody you could easily have the chance to get to know…. So, why do crushes often stay unrequited?

 

As someone who has had her fair share of unrequited crushes, people that I were best friends with and had a crush on them all the way to the opposite side of the spectrum where I had never had the guts to speak to them one time in my entire life, I have had those crushes and the most fascinating thing is that I have never had a crush on someone where a relationship transpired from it.

 

I keep wondering, why do they not like me?

 

Did they find my crush creepy? A fair assessment as while I never was a stalker, I often did find myself looking at them, observing them as they laughed with their best friends or watched as they played ultimate frisbee or whatever else they did, like drawing or listening to music.

 

Did they just not find me attractive? Another fair assumption as I have never been the most attractive person ever, as someone who stands at 5’0 and is supposed to weigh about 115 pounds, I can promise that I weigh significantly more than that and my hair is often unruly and unkempt, a trait that curly hair often has, and my face is always completely bare of make up.

 

However, I think it comes from what crushes often come with. Crushes are often people who have very little confidence, they don’t share a lot of personal faith in their existence and they don’t often come hand in hand with the “popular people.”

 

If people ever tell you what guys, or girls, like the most about their significant other, it is always that they like confidence. Confidence in confronting their fears, like wondering what would happen if they had a crush on somebody and still confronting the fear.

 

So maybe that’s why.

 

Or maybe it’s a completely different reason, something similar to why celebrity crushes are always unrequited if you were not to count for age differences and celebrity lifestyles because there are cases where celebrities go out on dates and the person already knows everything about them and they know nothing about their date, it’s an unfair situation that puts a level of separation between the two people. Could someone who has had such an intense crush ever genuinely be able to have a normal relationship, taking the person in question off of the pedestal that existed during their crush and getting out of their fantasy?

 

The story of unhealthy and unstable relationships is throughout the entire novel and I think that’s the beauty of it, you can always relate to one of the relationships.

 

The novel that I have recently finished (more information will be released soon!) , I handle this situation. An unrequited crush that becomes legitimate and the problems that comes with it. The story of unhealthy and unstable relationships is throughout the entire novel and I think that’s the beauty of it, you can always relate to one of the relationships. The unhealthy friendship, the unhealthy relationship, the confusing relationship, unstable family relationships, and so much more.

 

Follow me on Twitter!

Buy My FIRST Novel Here!

If you like this, check these out:

 

Embarrassing First “Relationship” Story!

Feeling Confident

What Shutting Down Feels Like…

My Message to Freshman

Ferrets: Truth, Myths, and Stories Alike!